Spiral
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: Callie feels like she's losing Arizona anyway. The two are struggling with their new reality in the aftermath of the plane crash. Spoilers for 9.01, "Going, Going, Gone".


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Grey's Anatomy and never will. No copyright infringement intended.

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After everything they've been through together – and apart, Callie still feels like she's lost Arizona. And she feels so guilty that her wife's lost her leg, but she can't handle all of this on her own. It's too much. She's falling apart at the seams. Her best friend is dead and her wife's depressed. And she's alone. It's a wonder Callie's not crying in closets more often. She's barely keeping her head above water and she's drowning more and more each day.

She's starting to think that Arizona won't ever forgive her, and why should she? It's at the point where she dreads going home because she never knows what's going to happen next. Everything hurts. Sofia and work are the only good parts of her day right now because they at least keep her distracted. It's nothing but misery the rest of the time. And she wants it to change, but she doesn't know how it can be. They're stuck and she's coming unglued, and it's getting worse by the second.

Callie's not sure if there's even a way out of this mess anymore. The fucking plane crash ruined everything and now nothing's going to go back to normal.

Arizona is furious at everyone and everything. She's been stewing in her anger for months and it's only getting worse. Callie's an easy target and that's why she lashes out at her wife the most. And she knows it's wrong, but she doesn't give a fuck at all. Callie promised and she went back on it, and that is just the worst thing she could have possibly done. Maybe it's even unforgiveable. And she should be strong and just get over this, but she can't see how.

Her entire career has just gone down the drain. She has one leg left, and can't do much of anything. That's why it's just easier to stay in bed all day and feel sorry for herself. Callie feels guilty? Good – she deserves to be. And yes, it's sad about Mark, but truthfully? He died out there in the woods with Lexie. They just prolonged his agony. Now Sofia only has one functioning parent, and Arizona can't find it in herself to care about that right now. Callie can keep taking care of everything on her own because she seems to be handling it well.

Sometimes she thinks it'd have been better if she had died out there, too. At least then she wouldn't be living this life of never-ending hell and agony. Pushing away Callie works and she can't away until her words hurt her so badly that she never comes back again and leaves Arizona for good. It's what she wants right now. So pushing her buttons over and over again is going to have to work, and Arizona won't give up.

Her parents keep offering to come out and help, but Arizona flatly declines each time. She doesn't want to see them nor for them to see her like this. She's going to spend the rest of her life cooped up in this tiny apartment and everyone else can fucking deal with it.

Arizona soaks up the anger happily and prepares for the next time Callie tries to talk to her. She won't mind telling her off again. It isn't any fun when her wife refuses to rise to the bait, however. What's she supposed to do with all her anger then? Luckily, she doesn't have to wait long. Callie storms in and prepares to yell at her again. "What do you want this time, Calliope?"

"I have had enough. We're burying Mark and I want you to go the funeral. I don't want to go by myself. I can't do it. So get the hell up and come with me. I am not giving up on you!"

"Fuck you! You gave up on me when you took my leg. I'm not going. I already said good-bye to Mark. Send my condolences." Arizona glares at her and waits for an answer.

"I know what you're doing now, and I'm not falling for it. Sofia needs you. I need you. Please. I can't. I just can't." Callie bites her lip and tries to hold back the tears again.

Arizona rolls her eyes. "No. What the fuck don't you understand about the word no? Leave me alone! I don't want to go. Just get out and then go to work. It's all you ever do anyway."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you. I'm trying to support us because you feel sorry for yourself. I'm taking care of our daughter on my own. And it's easier than being around you. And I love you, but you have to stop doing this. Now!" Callie can't hold back the tears anymore and curses herself for that. Why can't she be strong for Arizona? Why does she keep calling apart when her wife needs her? She's pulling all of the weight now and is cracking under the pressure.

Arizona refuses to feel bad and pulls her anger back up. "I never asked you to do any of that and I don't want you! Now go to the funeral!" She grabs her cup of coffee and throws it at the wall.

Callie flinches. She's tired. She can't do this anymore today when she's already emotionally drained. "Fine. But I am not giving up. You will get out of that bed eventually and you can't stay angry forever. We're going to fix this." Even she's not sure of that anymore, even though she's trying to stay positive.

Arizona shrugs and cheers a little for her victory. "Whatever." She rolls over to her side again and tries to go back to sleep. Sleeping the day away is what's best. She loves this plan, and it's pretty much the only thing she still loves at this point. At least this is something she can control, at least a little. And she desperately needs control.

Arizona and Callie are both spiraling and right now, there's seemingly no way out of the path they're currently on. Life is bleak and it will remain bleak.


End file.
